Tuesday, December 02, 2003

The PC Christmas Celebration

This time of year in the workplace (more than any other) I am reminded of those companies that substitute institutional programs for individual relationships, in an effort to say "we care."

"We're ABC company -- we care about you!" is ironically comical to most employees who know that their company cares for them only as "human resources," emphasis on "resources." The implication a disembodied corporation "cares" for its "resources" is believable only as they care for their other producing assets -- that is, they care enough to keep them in good repair and fully functional.

Genuine care, compassion, and concern, on the other hand, are the thoughts, feelings, and emotions we express for and to each other as individuals, one-on-one. No parties, gifts, or celebrations can ever replace that which is most needed, and regretably lacking in most workplaces -- meaningful relationships between managers and those for whom they are responsible. These are the Credible Connections that are not for sale.

Below is a little story -- a caricature of reality that illustrates the point as well as comically documenting the ultimately doomed attempt of those who place themselves and their organizations into the mire of political correctness.

P.S. To all you HR Directors out there -- we feel your pain! -karger

December 1st

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to
light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

December 2nd

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday thatoften
coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).However, from now
on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The samepolicy applies to employees who
are celebrating Kwanzaa at thistime. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

December 3rd

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only,"
you won't be anonymous anymore In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no
gifts will beallowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

December 7th

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthestfrom
the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms.Gays are allowed
to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have tosit with the gay men; each will
have their table. Yes, there willbe a flower arrangement for the gay men's
table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director

December 9th

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEOto
play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen tobe "Satan," there
is no evil connotation to our own "little man ina red suit."

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces

December 10th

Vegetarians --I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party atLuigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit atthe table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, andyou'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, youknow, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

December 14th

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forwardyour cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director


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